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London, United Kingdom
Holly Searle is a writer and an artist who was made in Soho and thereafter born in the heart of London. She has been blessed with two quite remarkable children and grandchildren whom she adores. She enjoys the company of her friends and the circus that is life, has a degree in Film and Television, and has exhibited her artwork in several exhibition.

Tuesday, 5 June 2018

Do the Locomotion - By Holly Searle

I am finding this cancer interruptions a bit bloody annoying. The amount of medical appointments it has generated is almost record breaking. It's a task to remember them all to be honest, especially when they keep being rearranged to accommodate yet another test. I feel like a stream train struggling to get up a steep hill.

You can do it you can do it sang the carriages.

At the end of last week, one that I had managed navigated without anything to do with cancer (forecasted appointments already bagged), I get four calls on Friday from two nurses asking me multiple questions. Had I booked my Sentinel Node Scan? No, I hadn't. Was I meant too? I can't recall this part of the conversation with the doctor the previous week. The lovely nurse says well we need to get this sorted as the timeline is decreasing as we head towards the big op on the 25th.

I also have two bagged appointments in the wrong order, so the nurse says that she will change these. Then the other nurse calls from the other hospital to run through the plan for this week and to explain about my pre op op.


Then she explains that prior to my big op, they need to carry out a biopsy of my lymph lodes, by removing several, in order to determine if the cancer is living within their cells. This will in turn, determine how much addition tissue will be removed during my big op.

I am horrified as I will find out earlier than anticipated, if I have cancer in my body's motorways.

I knew it was due, but now I am being forced to deal with it before I feel ready too.

Cancer, the gift that just keeps giving.

The first nurse never does call back with a rearranged prearranged new appointment.

To be fair, I am not her only patient and I have been on the phone to the other nurse for a while.

So, I do this myself.

I also call Macmillan Cancer and speak to the welfare team there as I am starting to stress about money. My mortgage provided has agreed to give me a two-month holiday. This will be a massive help but I still need the security of knowing that I will be able to claim something. I find out that I am entitled too Statutory Sick Pay (SSP). Looks like I might just stay in the red, but only just on £92.00 per week, a total drop of £700.00 per month to my income.

My Will has been made and my Life Insurance left in trust (all needed to be done anyway).

But I have lost my art mojo. This really upsets me as I have solo show coming up and even though I have some pieces, I can't seem to find my muse. She is probably as overwhelmed as I am with so many appointments and trying to balance life, work, money and bloody cancer, isn't really leaving too much time or energy for art.

I called Macmillan to have a cry and a talk as I don't want to burden my nearest and dearest too much. The man I speak too suggests I try doing something I enjoy. I think I can't at the moment as I am just too exhausted micro managing this poxy blinking cancer.

It's starting to railroad me from my life and I hate that

I decide to think about this time next year, when I will look back on all of this and be glad it's all over. I am focusing on my plans to finally leave London.

A seaside dwelling seems like just the ticket to start a new chapter in my life. So, once I am back on track, that's where I will be off too.

After all, life's a bit too short not to think about the future.

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