Snakes and Ladders By Holly Searle

Once I had a secret love, that lived within the heart of me. All too soon my secret love became impatient to be free sang Doris Day whilst sitting in a tree and dreamily staring off into space while her horse looked after her jacket and her cowgirl hat.

Of course that is what we feel a bit like when we stand on that first square on the game board of any new relationship.

It's exciting and giddy. It's like being drunk on happiness. You shine like the brightest star in the night's sky.

Twinkle twinkle twinkle.

But relationships, whoever we make them with, are precarious journeys that are subject to to all sorts of both positive and negative possibilities. We throw the dice, and move from one square to the next. Sometimes we clime a ladder and get ahead of ourselves, and sometimes we slide down a snake, and realise that we haven't got anywhere or learnt anything at all, and that we will just have to start all over again.

Oh bollocks you mentally shout.

All of a sudden, we are less Doris Day, but more Thom Yorke singing an unplugged acoustic version of Creep.

Damn those snakes.

No more twinkle. Just a lot of hiss.

Hiss, hiss, hiss.

But do you know what? It's fine. Because once you realise that all relationships contain ups and downs, and that this state of affairs is perfectly normal, you will pretty much have cracked it kid.

All relationships make us vulnerable because we open up our hearts up without thinking first. And that is how it should be. Be open, be welcoming, fill your boots people. That's who you are isn't it?

That's who I am.

But maybe we should all operate a more selective open door policy in the same way that Steve Strange (may he rest in an exquisite glamorous peace) did.

Only let someone in because you think they're right for you and not because they are trying to over impress with their smoke and mirrors trickery, and in the process hiding who they really are.

Although I am sure even Steve must have rolled his eyes a few times over those he did or didn't let in on a busy night in Soho.

So what can I tell you? Just trust your own judgement. Because in reality we all learn something that is good bad or indifferent from all of the relationships we forge.

Sometimes these relationships may last the test of time and sometimes they will not. People change their expectations as they grow and formulate varying perspectives of the world in which we all live.

It doesn't mean they love you any less, or you them. It just means that they are as busy trying to work it all out as much as you are.

It's all bonkers really.

Just invest all the time and effort that you can in all of those connections that will last longer than a packet of Jelly Babies in my house.

And do you know what, just go with the flow, and stop playing emotional Snakes and Ladders, as it's a rather silly game just contrived to make you feel momentarily elated and then a massive failure.

Personally, I blame the dice.

If you're going to throw it anywhere, throw it in the bin.

So less hiss, and twinkling is free and achievable on your own terms. Keep those doors to your heart open, and never leave your horse alone with your hat.

If you follow these simple pieces of advice.

You'll be absolutely fine.