On The Plus Side By Holly Searle

Good grief Charlie Brown! It's been a bit of an emotional roller-coaster for me over the past few months. Up and down, up and down, up and down. so much so, that in the end I told the guy who was running the ride to let me off.

Are you sure he said?

Ex post facto I look him in the eye and say, as he lets me off.

I don't look back as I walk away swaying like a seafarer who has been away at sea for far too long, and one who can't seem to find their land legs after having lost touch with the even steadfast reliability that is terra firma.

Each step is an effort. The roller-coaster has left me mentally and physically dizzy. My balance is well off kilter. But as I place one foot in front of the next, just like Beyoncé Knowles performance on the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury in 2011, I smash it.

The crazy in love oppression fades and I am walking like a boss.

I can breath again.

I am a single lady.

Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh
Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh

And it's all good. And I learnt a lot. Most of all I learnt that I like my space. I like the peace and quiet that I deserve and relish at the end of each day.

I like the sleeping in my bed. I like sleeping full stop. I like the freedom to be creative and not being smothered by the lack of laughter and playfulness.

I like to manage myself, and my income. It's something that I have learnt to do after being a lone parent and running a household for twenty years plus.

I like watching what I like to watch. I like going to the cinema and seeing old movies.

I like to keep my intellect nourished with the vitamins of popular culture and the abstract quirkiness of random daily conversations with other people.

I find that fascinating.

I find humanity fascinating.

I like colour in my life.

And I like laughing. I like funny people. And I like being happy.

And whilst I loved the idea of being loved and cherished. The tenderness of this soon dissipated when the up close and personal of domesticity came in to play.

A school boy/girl error on both of our parts.

But in the days that have passed by, I have been keeping a daily note of all the positive things that happen to me on a daily basis, as I felt (for a tiny moment in the aftermath at least), that I was a bit rubbish.

And this minor self preservation experiment has proved to been one of the most personable revealing things I have ever done.

Every day I have been on the receiving end of complements and praise either for something I have done, or because of something I have said. Or simply due to the way I looked.

In turn I have ensured that I have been consciously helpful or have praised someone else, or have just assisted a random stranger with something that made their day go by a little easier.

And it has shown me that I am not all that bad. I am actually quite nice. In fact it has made me be grateful for so much, and bloody well glad of it. And most importantly it has revealed how indescribably rich beyond my means I am with love and friendships.

And I like me for who I am.

Ipso facto.

And they like me for who I am.

And I for now I am happy being single.

I don’t doubt that when the time is right, some keen suitor may shimmy over in my direction and ask a few pertinent questions, and hopefully some Dorothy Parker-esque impertinent ones as well.

But for now, I am quite happy to be back on solid ground, strutting my stuff and leaving a trail of laughter and Chanel No.5 in my wake.

Cue the music, the dancers and the fireworks.

Now put your hands up.

Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh
Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh


Wuh uh oh