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London, United Kingdom
Holly Searle is a writer and an artist who was made in Soho and thereafter born in the heart of London. She has been blessed with two quite remarkable children and grandchildren whom she adores. She enjoys the company of her friends and the circus that is life, has a degree in Film and Television, and has exhibited her artwork in several exhibition.

Monday, 23 July 2012

I Would Do Anything For Love, But I Won't Do That (And Neither Should You). By Holly Searle

I have found myself recently imagining which Dickens persona’s best match those of the people I know and love and of the people that I meet on a daily basis. Think for example about the wealth of characterisations Dickens identifies in Great Expectations (one of my favourites) and then think of all of the people that you know that you could attribute those characterisations to.

It works quiet well I find. Let's face it, we all know or are related to the likes of Abel Magwitch, Miss Havisham, Pip, Mrs Joe, Jaggers, Herbert Pocket, Estella, Biddy or Joe Gargery.

I think out of that entire list, Joe is the one character I love more than all the others. He embodies the most charitable wealth of personality traits towards Pip as he forgives him and is kind to him despite his social ladder climbing and his temporary abandonment of him. Joe's protection and encouragement of Pip can only be read as real love for him in the end as all he wants is what is best for Pip and nothing more in spite of his own needs and feelings.

Associating with various characters throughout our lives reflects some of the traits we recognise in ourselves and that is why every person that you have known, do know or will know in you life affects you in a different way. They present you with something that you can relate to and when this appreciation is reciprocated, relationships are made and bonds are forged. Some of which may last forever, some of which may not.

Pip is a very naive character. His humble beginnings and the cause and effect of his actions and the associations he is encouraged to make, lead him on a journey. As he grows, he realises that the people who care for him the most are not those whom he first suspected, but those who set him free to discover for himself who he actually is.

But what happens when you do not have the strength of character to form these realisations and when there are people who take advantage of your venerability and damn well just take you on a taxi ride going no where fast?

I have spent far too much time in my life lamenting the would have, could have and should have been disappointing relationships I have had with various chaps along the way

I think of all the heartbreak and Jane Austen rose coloured glasses I have broken along the way and it makes me quite cross now, as I realise I shouldn't have wasted so much time trying to get inside the head of another individual, but instead should have used the time to focus on more positive aspects of my life.

Let's face it, we have all been then, The Rejected (sounds like a Martin Scorsese film now I think of it),the dating road kill, left in the middle of life's highway, until we muster the strength to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and start all over again.

But, let's face it, we have also all also probably been the rejecter as well and the dating karmer police gets us all in the end.

Recently however,I had an epiphany with regards to all of this loves labour lost malarkey.

One evening I started to think about all of those chaps that I wasted all my time and energy mooning over. I can think of several whom I was convinced I was in love with and who had broken my heart, so I did a bit of healthy googling and opened Pandora’s box and found hope.

For what I discovered was that although hindsight may be a wonderful thing, it can also be a reality check for all of us. I found photos of one man who had professed his undying love for me and then had stamped all over my heart in a pair of Dr Marten's steel toe capped boots, looking rather bald and middle aged and well hugely disappointing.

Then it came to me, how lucky I had been not to have ended up with him. Result!

Next I discovered an ex looking bloated and shorter than I had remembered. Chalk up two lucky escapes, I was on a roll, thank you Google.

Then a manic depressive who also suggested marriage, but who then married another still sprouting negativity from the strap lines on his social networking page.

Or re-reading my diary entries (yes I keep one every year) about the man whom I thought cared for me but on reflection now appears to been nothing more than a rather sad married man who was in the throws of a mid life crisis. I forgive you.

Hallelujah, praise the Lord, I have been saved from men who devolved while I have evolved, I am a sunbeam intended for the greater adventures still to come. Make it so Number One, engage.

It makes me happy to realise my good fortune and how none of those men would have been a suitable suitor for me, but most of all it also made me realise that I will never waste time crying over another man again and why should I?

Once you adopt this approach it it so much better. Meeting a man is no longer the centre of my universe and that feels like such a relief after squatting in so many fairy tale mind towers waiting for knights on horseback to arrive to whisk me away. I am free, free to get on with my life and enjoy it without worrying about it all any more.

My conformation of this is never more apparent when I see a friends stuck in the ever decreasing cycles that I was once caught up in, loathing themselves for not being good enough and inflicting unnecessary blame on themselves for not getting a text or a call from the person they have placed all of their life happiness savings upon. If they aren't responding to your messages or calls, abandon ship I want to scream and stop torturing yourself, life is passing you by at an alarming rate, please don't spend it alone at home crying into your pillow.

No, me, these days I invest all of my happiness savings into doing what makes me happy. So I spend it in the company of my family, good friends.

I have therefore returned my Miss Havisham outfit (it was getting a bit gloomy to be honest) and have developed an appreciation for my own company and just like Pip, I have finally discovered who I am because I was exhausted and eventually set myself free from it all.

I never say never to meeting someone who meets my great expectations and I have no doubt that one day I shall, but where I once I would have done anything for love, I won't been doing that, ever again and neither should you.

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