Momentai By Holly Searle

At the end of the month, I will be jobless and will therefore not have the support of my current dependable income.

Redundancy. What a horrible word that is with all of its implied finality.

Having known this was on it's way, I have been on the lookout from my tower for an alternative role that will keep the wolf from the door.

And so far, having attended a few interviews, and after having spoken to a few human resources people and recruiters, I am still looking.

It's a shame on so many levels, but on the positive side it has afforded me the time to think for a minute.

In my tower, I am closing my eyes and taking a massive mental deep breath, and exhaling at a slow pleasurable rate that I have decided is the best option until something appears on the horizon.

I am neither stressed nor worried. These are pointless and wasteful emotions as well as also being counter productive.

However, I have to say with my heart in my mouth, just how much I shall miss all of the good and incredibly gracious people I have been blessed to have worked with over the last year and some of my life.

They are collectively and individually, the nicest bunch of people I have ever had the pleasure to have worked with. And even though I have forged friendships with some of them that will undoubtedly continue, the very thought that I will no longer be interacting with them on a daily basis is actually what saddens me the most of all.

They have truly been my family.

Loosing your weekly 9 -5 isn't just about the money. It's about the importance of spending time with others, of being useful, and knowing that you have achieved something at the end of each of those days.

No matter what line of work you are in, your role is as valid as you make it. If you are not happy doing the job that you are doing, then it is probably time for you to reconsider what it is you feel you may find more interesting and palatable.

In my work life I have had many roles, and now I am looking for another. But more than anything, I will be adopting a Goldilocks attitude, as I would like to find something that is just right.

And I am gifted, as I have many skills, and bags of abilities that I shall be able to make use of in another role.

But what will that be?

Who knows?

I am great at fixing things for people, and I am excellent at communication. Personally I feel that this isn't something that human beings use effectively enough.

Also, I am a good listener. This is another skill I feel a majority of the world's population fails to do.

However, what has dawned on me is the simple fact that I need a better work and life balance to enable me to cover all of the financial cracks, and to be able to pursue something that if I do not do it now, I may regret later on.

So, here I am at a crossroad scratching my head and wondering what my next move will be.

I could turn one way and follow the same route I am used too. Or I could turn the other, and see if the risky unknown is doable.

I'll be honest with you, I would quite like a break from this choice, to be able to sail away to an island and just be for a while.

The past few months have been a little stressful and emotionally testing.

But wherever we go in life, we can't escape ourselves, and whatever we need to deal with will be right there with us.

One of the most talented people I have ever met, I met via the role I will shortly be leaving. She awarded me the moniker of Captain. I will love her for that gift forever. Whenever things got a little stressed at work, she would turn to me and say in her silky smooth voice Momentai Captain.

And I would laugh,and the stress would evaporate in an instant.

I was having a clear out the other day, and found a post it that she had written this on and had struck to my monitor.

Since finding it again, I have made sure that I have transferred it to a safer more accessible place. So every time I see it, I hear her voice whispering it, and I am immediately calm, and I know it will all be fine.

An equally amazing woman said to me the other day It will all be okay in the end, it always is. And she was, and is right.

And so in light of my recent news, I have decided to take the lessen known route and do some of the things that are more important to me. I need to finish a few projects, and balance it with making some money. And I will.

I have been through tough times, and once you have, it is only the fear of that fear, rather than the actuality of the impending situation, that scares you.

So don't let it. Face it head on.

Breathe, and say Momentai.