Curriculum vitae - [the] course of [my] life By Holly Searle

I woke-up this morning with the same set of thoughts that the weekends appear to allow my over-tax mind these days; must lose weight, take care better care of myself, try not to suffer so many fools so gladly, file my most recent short story rejection with all of its brothers and sisters, and the current horrid unsuppressed malevolent unshakeable shadow of my subconscious' bête noire, the knowledge that pretty soon my pay will cease, unless of course I bag a hoochie coochie new job.

Ahhhh, I thought as my body and mind both started to unwind as I liquidated it with coffee, and mooched about for a bit thinking about life, and my role in its till receipt.

I guess I woke-up with all of this negativity clouding my brain as last night I was interviewed about something I didn't really have the heart to be interviewed about in the first place. And because I felt as though I had been duped into taking part in the process. And then, when I reviewed the photographic evidence of these proceedings, where I am standing next to two size 10 women, I looked like a bloated version of my former self.

Eeewwwwwwww.

Wince mentally, whilst making that face that I make with one eye closed, and my brow furrowed.

Then, as my mind tends to shift gear quicker than the support for Clarkson, I started to give myself that old pep talk about how that was just who I am, and that I really should be a little more less critical of myself and try to focus on all of the positives that I have actually managed to achieve in my life.

Did you know that the Curriculum vitae actually loosely translates into [the] course of [my] life?

Hummmmmmmmmmm, interesting.

In the CV I have now sent off to numerous advertised job posts, I have listed all of the relevant job roles that I have had that list my work life responsibilities and skills. And isn't it funny I thought, to nobody apart from myself, how we don't do this with our lives.

So I drew the conclusion that we should all write a personal CV as well as a professional one, noting all of our attributes and abilities and the like.

So here is mine.


Personal Profile

51 year old single female. Mother of two, and grandmother to one adorable little boy, whom she is helplessly in love with. Prone to laugh at life at every opportunity, whilst being bought to her knees by the idiosyncratic behaviour of humanity.

Dislikes cruel people.

Likes cats more than dogs (they make her itch and smell like wet wool).

Poor dating record as far as the men in her life are concerned. Likes to apply the idiom that like the bus she has just missed, there will be another one along in a minute.

Enjoys her own space. Likes sleeping. Enjoys the small luxuries in life, like a hot bath, silicone ear plugs, and a good book.

Has a 100 per cent positive feedback on Ebay with over 800 transactions (mostly second hand clothing). Likes words. Finds writing a personal liberation, although tends to over fantasise about the reality of making a living doing this, and would be the first to admit she can procrastinate with the process.

Is a good and supportive friend, although she needs her quiet time. Likes old movies, reading filmatic styled narratives. Doesn't particularly like drinking. Hasn't eaten meat since she was 15. Likes a good chat, is a good listener. Likes people, but cannot abide emotional vampires.

Has no time for time wasters. Can be too gullible. Has trust issues. Likes books. Elephants are her favourite animal. Cannot stand noise, drunks, cold-callers, homophobes or anyone who has an issue with difference that allows them to think that its existence empowers their short-sightedness.

Would like to live by the sea. Own several pieces of art. Be able to drive, and would hope that she has made tiny alterations to the lives of those she has had the pleasure to have interacted with.

Has been a great parent, and will be an even greater grandparent. Is proud of her children.

Has no religious beliefs.

Will never be skinny.

Has no grey hairs.


1963 – 1972

Born in the centre of London. One of three. Lived at various locations in London. Lived through three day week strikes. Power cuts. Attended protest rallies against Thatcher when she held the post of education minister. Never got a second bottle of milk at school as her surname began with S. Had many pet cats. First record ever purchased, Storm in a Teacup – The Fortunes. Was the fat kid at school.

1972 – 1981

Changed schools. Inducted into a new life in West London. Built friendships with people that she still has today. Bullied at school and probably had dyslexia for which her English teacher ridiculed her for, rather than helped her with. Attended concerts at London venues that now no longer exist. Overlooked at school, then was fortunate to be notice by an incredible teacher who introduced her to the wonders of literature. First book ever read - The Catcher in the Rye. Gained a new brother and became one of four. Fell in love with a the son of a Lord. Travelled a bit. Sang live. Finished school. Left home. Had some grubby mindless jobs. Worked on far too many films, TV shows, and adverts to be able to recall the names of.

1981 – 1991

Got lost in life without any clear destination. Had a horrific dating experience. Was foolhardy in mistakenly marrying a man. Went home after that ended. Wrote some music. Had beautiful girl. Homeless. Eventually found a home to live and grow in.

1991 – 1997

Made a home. Went back to college and then on to University and left with a degree. Loved every minute that she was in education for the second time, apart from all of the mucky jobs that she did to make extra money to support herself and her child to enable this process.

1997 – 2004

Depression. Found a great job. Met second husband. Had a gorgeous boy. Left the great job. Got married. Brought a home. Went to RELATE to save the relationship. But like the Titanic, it was beyond saving. Gilbert O'Sullivan Alone Again Naturally. Tammy Wynette D I V O R C E.
Sold most of her valuables to keep her and her charges afloat. Managed.

2004 – Present

Dark days. Survived with the help and assistance of many incredible individuals all of whom the words Thank You will never be enough.
Pulled her mental socks up. Child One got married and gave birth to the most beautiful and hilarious little boy.
Child Two has grown into a handsome young fella who is super smart and funny. He also bares an uncanny House of the Rising Sun resemblance to the young Alan Price. Me, I started writing. I found after a few hic ups how much I liked it. Got a job. The best part of the job was all of the people I worked with. We laugh everyday and support each other when we do not. Met a man. It didn't work out. I know why. He doesn't. Currently looking for a new job after being made redundant.

Key Responsibilities

Being human.
Growing up.
Learning.
Laughing.
Being a parent.
Having children.
Providing.
Making money and paying bills.
Being a woman.

Key Skills

Spinning plates and juggling balls.
Talking.
Being opinionated.
Resourcefulness.
Worrying.
Keeping it all together.

Personal Attributes

Being good at cuddling.
Great sense of humour.
Being a sauce pot.
My imagination.
Having nice hair.

Secret Wish

To be able to time travel.

Greatest Achievements.

Having my children and being their mother.


So that's the course of my life (so far).

And after writing all of that, this morning's waking thought, seem to belong to someone else.

So here's an image from last night.

Thanks for reading.